I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
