i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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