my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
