So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
