3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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