She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
