you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
