Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
third nipple confirmed
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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