On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
