ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Drunk is a universal language darling
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