I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
