this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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