Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
