we're chasing vodka with high fives
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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