I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
