my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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