i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
