So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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