my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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