The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize