just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
