Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize