yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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