you would pick up someone in the library
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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