he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize