On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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