Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
