I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize