we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
