Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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