Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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