i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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