oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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