i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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