did you get engaged???
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
