We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
