Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
