Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
