at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
