my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
