please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
