in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
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