you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
