three words: i give head
three words: not that well
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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