So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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