Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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