You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
