GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
she told me i tasted like america
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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