I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
