Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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