I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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