Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
