I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize