Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
