Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
