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i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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