He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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