So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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