I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Text me some of your sweat
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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