she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
