if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
