Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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