My room smells like vodka and shame
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize