if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
