shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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