You work out of a Hotel?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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