Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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