dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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