i permit you to call me
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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