I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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