Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
