we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
