The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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