Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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