last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
