Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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