he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
