i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
