i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
