after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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