There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
