i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
