it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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