If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
