the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
