Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
