I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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