just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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