He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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