see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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