I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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