if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
