maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
There r osticjed everywhere
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize