I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
