Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
