And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
