Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Drunk is a universal language darling
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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