I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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