At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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