I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
