Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
